I am feeling a bit reflective today. It is lunchtime and I usually rush through lunch....which leads to either indigestion or just plain feeling yucky. Today I decided to write a little and "journal" here during my lunch break. Sometimes journaling is the only way to get the thoughts out of the head so I can move on to the issues of the day.
We had a death in our family this past week and our weekend was filled with the details surrounding the funeral and such. I am so thankful that even though the events were very sad, I was able to spend some time with my parents that I would not have been able to due to the schedule of every day life. We had a nice visit amidst the hurried events of the week and weekend. I enjoy hearing all about what they are doing and about people I know from my hometown. I think one of the things I am missing a lot these days is living among my "history". I am envious of those who are raising their families among the people who raised them.....parents, church family, friends, neighbors, old teachers, etc...It is so neat to see people raising their families in the place where they were raised. They are bringing their children up in the church they were baptized in. Sometimes I get stuck in the "wishing well" of thoughts about that. I wish I had my old friends around. I wish my children could grow up knowing their kids. I have been looking at pictures that make me long to be connected. I guess it isn't meant for me to be connected with those lives as much as I would like to. I see their events and snapshots and wish I was there in the picture, too. I wish I had the familiar feeling of being around people I have known all my life and who have known me since I was a child. It's the "Mayberry" that I've always dreamed of having.
God has other plans for me, I suppose. I am ready to embrace those plans and embrace my place. I want to have deep relationships. I find that hard in this day and age. No one can stand or sit still long enough to listen. I often feel as if I'm keeping someone from something if I talk about my own life. I also wonder if people will actually remember what we've talked about. There are a few people in my life who really listen. I am so appreciative and thankful for them. I want to be a good listener. I think it's important to listen and follow up so people know they are loved and thought about and "heard". Those are important building materials in a relationship.
While I've been dreaming of yesterday, God has shown me that I am missing out on so much joy today. One of my girls awakens very cheerfully each day, while the other one tends to greet the morning with a scowl and a groan. The morning scrooge has become quite unpleasant to be around in the mornings and tends to lean toward the "mean" side of the street until she's had her breakfast. In order to remind her to begin her day on the right foot, we started waking our girls up every morning with Psalm 118:24. We say, "This is the day the Lord has made"...and they are to respond (cheerfully, I might add) "Let us rejoice and be glad in it." The first few days each of them responded enthusiastically. After all, it was a "new game" in their minds. After about three days, the "new" wore off. My morning scrooge gritted her teeth on day four and responded with venom. Cheerful child overheard and responded with sugar dripping from her lips. We got quite the chuckle over that morning. Thinking about the "game" we play with our morning words reminds me that I don't live out the scripture I have challenged my children with. I do not live each day with joy because God made it and has a plan....already planned.....already in motion.....a perfect and beautiful plan. I need to join in His masterful symphony. I wonder what beautiful passages I have missed....what solos, duets and exciting cadenzas that have gone unplayed because I have been sorting through my 8-tracks with nothing to play them on.
I am ready to embrace my place.
"This is the day that the Lord has made." I will rejoice and be glad in it.