Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I Hate School...I think I'll Become A Teacher--Part 4

If it could have gone wrong, it did.  The week and a half leading up to the first REAL day of school (the day the students arrive) was painful to say the least.  If it weren't for the few "bright spots" in my week (lunch with friends, seeing friends/colleagues) I just don't think I could have gone back every day.  I don't know what it is, but for the past few years I can't begin a new school year without some sort of catastrophe or obstacles in my way.  I know it must be Satan.  He knows my anxiety and knows that this is a weak spot for me, so he not only chooses to take advantage of me at my weakest....he takes cheap shots.  It reminds me of the scene in the original Karate Kid when Daniel(son) hurts his leg and his opponent is told to "sweep the leg".  Satan just seems to get pure joy out of sweeping my leg. 

The night before school began I was quite weary emotionally.  Things had not gone the way I had hoped during the seven prep days.  Once again I was starting the year behind the 8 ball.  We labeled school supplies, fixed lunches, laid out the school clothes and had our family prayer and devotion time.  As my children headed up to bed my husband asked me if I was ready.  Immediately I started to cry.  I believe my words were..."I don't want to go."   I felt like I was five.  I just did not want to go.   I went to bed early and prayed myself to sleep.

I arrived on campus and found some things "put to rights" that had not been in order and ready any of the previous days.  My entire body relaxed and I felt like I could actually step foot into this year.  Something so simple, yet so necessary.  I felt the spring coming back into my step.  I had a piano class, made the rounds to check on all my fine arts teachers, and went an observed a new teacher during lunch.  I ran back to my office to gather a few things for the next set of classes and I heard a bit of a ruckus coming from my room.  It was lunchtime and I couldn't imagine who would be in there.  Class wasn't to begin for another 20 minutes at least.  I made my way down the hall to my classroom to see what was going on.  As I opened the door, I saw all my students standing around hugging, laughing, talking, singing, playing the piano, and just LOVING being together again in choir.  What a gift that was for me.  All my anxiety and stress melted away to the sound of joy, laughter, and genuine love.  They couldn't wait to get started.  They knew NOTHING of my anxiety.... nothing of my feelings of frustration....and nothing of the mess that had preceded their arrival.  I am so glad that God allowed me to be infected by their enthusiasm and joy before I ruined it with my baggage!!!  Students don't need my baggage and my weariness.  Their child-like excitement is something I hope they never lose. 

Once again, I know why I do what I do.  It's because of them.  They motivate me to go back.  They make me want to find new things to teach them.  Yes, there are days that THEY make me want to run the other way, beat them, strangle them....well not really, but you get the picture.  I remember that we are all children.  We are all sinners.  We are all imperfect creatures being loved by a perfect God.  I know there are days that God has every reason to turn away from me....but He never does.  The weight of the world is on His shoulders...the burdens of the universe rest in His care.   No matter the catastrophe He dealt with while I slept, He still shows up ready to love me. 

So I must follow in His steps.

1 comment:

lellielieb said...

Ahhhhh, the little boogers do make everything worth it! Thanks for writing this It is very encouraging!