Monday, August 9, 2010

I dug my own I have to fill it back in

Years ago I decided that New Year's resolutions were for the birds.  The concept is good, but every year I made a list----then three months later had forgotten all about them and once again labeled myself a failure.  I wrote a blog almost two years ago after I had come to a place in my life where I felt things were totally out of control.  I recently read this blog again while going back through my entries to see how God has answered prayer and breathed His will in my life over the last few years.  If you have trouble saying "no", you might find sympathy by reading it. (click here to read this past post)  I read the blog and remembered the peace that came from reading the beautiful verses in Lamentations chapter 3 that say, 

I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.  I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.  Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:  Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."  The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;  it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.  (Lamentations 3:19-26)  
After reading this particular entry, it made me sit and ask myself how I was doing in this area of my life.  I had ended the blog with the comment, " I dug my own hole..."  I am now wondering if I have been filling it back in with the things that God wants me to or have I slipped back in to filling it up with things that are of no value.  When you find yourself in a mess, cleaning up the mess is often hard and time consuming.  It has been almost two years since I wrote those words and I really feel that I need to sit and evaluate exactly what I've learned for the last two years.  I am sobered by the fact that it has been two years....I only thought it had been one.  My, how time flies!  
The particular phrase in the passage from Lamentations that spoke to my heart was "they are new every morning".  God's mercies are new EVERY morning.  Every morning, after I have miserably failed the day before, God is there ready to walk with me through the clean up.  I am so thankful that my failures are not permanent.  I am humbled to think that God loves me despite my failures.  So every morning I come to Him and humbly and gratefully receive His NEW MERCIES!!  
So, what am I filling my hole with?  That's a good question.  I think that as I analyze the changes I have made over the last two years, I see the improvements that have been made in our family.  Reading that past blog entry has given me a wake up call to really take a look at things as this new school years begins for my children (and me).  It is so easy to fall back into the traps of my past failures.  Time is short and my children are growing fast.  Some people I know are realizing their kids are already gone.....the short time of raising them in the home is over.  I will one day be there and don't want to look back with regret.
I am off to get my shovel and choose my soil carefully.  Jesus talked a lot about soil in the parables of the New Testament.  I want to make sure that my soil is producing good fruit---fruit that pleases the Lord.  When I go to the grocery store or the Farmer's Market to get my produce, I look for the best fruit and vegetables I can find.  Bigger is not always better.  Sometimes the smaller vegetables have better flavor, but they often get overlooked.  It is the same in the fruit that we are producing in our own lives.  Bigger is not always better.  The fruit that our lives produce is for the glory of God...not ourselves.  Sometimes our fruit might not seem big and eye-catching.  But the only eye that we need to catch with our fruit is God's.  His opinion is the only one that matters.  
Thank you, Lord for new mercies.   Thank you for your loving patience.  Lord, I give you my shovel and ask you to help me fill my hole with good soil......soil that has been fertilized with your Word and much prayer.  Help me to produce beautiful fruit that You are pleased with.  I look forward to Your harvest!


leslie said...

I identify with your struggles. Those of us who work and parent and strive to live as daughters of the King are constantly juggling and re-evaluating. I think God regularly for His great mercies. But I want you to know that I, my family, and many that I love have benefited greatly from the planting you have done in these last two years. Love you!

Planting Daisies said...

I love you, Leslie! Thank you for your friendship. You are one of the reasons I enjoy going to work. Wish we could spend more time together. :)